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I'm Not Letting Go~~Chapter 11
Hi guys! Hope you had a great weekend! Shall we continue on with chapter 11? :o) Enjoy! ~~Leslie Laying in Michael's arms was the most comfortable place I'd ever been and I know he was enjoying it as much as I was. However, that night the chemo hit me pretty hard and I was ill most of the night and most of Friday too. We decided to postpone our Saturday date until I was feeling a bit better. As Michael took me home, he worried and stressed and held my hand tightly. " I wish you would just stay with me." he said," I worry so much when we're not together." " I'll be fine." I assured him," Don't worry so much." " I have to," he said," I love you, so I'm allowed to worry. That gives me all the permission I need." " Yes dear." I said kissing his cheek. " Yeah yeah, don't patronize me, girl." he said with a smile," Now, you promise to call me, okay? And I'll call you." " Okay." I agreed. " And if you need anything at all, you call me. I don't care what time of the day or night, okay?" " Okay." " ...I'm gonna miss you." he said softly. " I'll miss you too," I answered," But we'll talk and I'll see you again on Thursday, right?" " Right, Thursday." he nodded and soon we were at my place and said our goodbyes. They grew increasingly difficult as the time we spent together made us both happier than we'd been in some time. And that was a very important part of "us". Being able to just sit and talk about anything. It sure seemed too impossible to be true. In love with Michael Jackson! Soon it was Thursday and I was at my usual chemo appointment, however I'd seen the doctor and things were worsening, according to my latest PET/CT scan. New lesions on my liver and a "suspicious spot" on my spine. Too the tumor grew by a half size and was now 9cm. How would I ever be able to tell Michael? He'd been such a supporter through this and now I had more bad news. Roughly 30 minutes later, Michael came into my room carrying a large bouquet of beautiful flowers. " There's my angel," he said with a smile, happily presenting me with the bouquet and kissing my cheek," Hi beautiful. I'm sorry I'm a little late." " You're here, that's what matters." I told him with a little smile. " You okay?" he asked. I nodded and Kim, my nurse, came into my room," Hey mister impersonator dude--" " Just call me, Mike." he smiled. " Okay, Mike. We were wondering if we put on a Michael Jackson cd, if you'd show us one number." She said smiling," Please?" " Go ahead." I smiled at him. " Okay, but only one." he said to her, smiling. " How about Dancin' Machine?" she asked," Think you could do a little of the dancing?" " Oh, I probably can." he answered giving me a wink and a little grin. I went to the doorway so I could watch him and as the music began, Michael was instantly "on" and clearly loved getting the chance to perform. His dancing during the instrumental break in the song was just astounding. He could he move like that? I'd never been a fan, but I could see why he was just mesmerizing on the stage. He was electrifying! When he finished, they all clapped and cheered for him and he took a bow. " Thank you," he said softly then came back into my room and plunked down in the chair," Whew, that was a workout!," he said with a smile," I'm a bit rusty." " Are you kidding? That was wonderful!" I told him," You're incredible!" " Thank you," he said humbly," I'm glad YOU enjoyed it." " I did. Very much." I told him and he took my hands into his and looked into my eyes. " Now, are you gonna tell me what's wrong?" he said matter of factly," Something's going on inside that pretty head of yours." " ...the doctor said there are new lesions on my liver." I said softly. I could see some of the light in his eyes dim as he heard my news, then he kissed my hands," It's going to be okay, angel. God wouldn't take you away from me." " Nice sentiment, but-- Kim came in smiling as she checked my IVs," You're really really good, Mike." she told him." " Thank you, I appreciate that." he replied. " Did the real Michael Jackson ever see you perform?" she asked. " Oh, a few times." he answered. " He must have felt like he was watching a twin." she smiled. " Something like that." he said back," Um, the new lesions on her liver--" " Yes?" " Does that mean more cancer?" he asked. " Not necessarily," she replied," They could be and then again they couldn't be. The next CT will be able to shed more light on it. The important thing is to try to think positive and not let cancer dictate your life. You basically have to say, screw you cancer, you're not getting my life." " I feel like it already got mine." I answered. " I know honey, and you've been through an awful lot in the last 5 months...but if they can shrink the tumor that's gonna help a lot." Kim said. " Isn't radiation hard too?" Michael asked. " It can be because it's daily, but they've got to get the tumor a LOT smaller before radiation would be used," she said and gave my wrist a squeeze," Just try to keep positive." " Easier said than done." I answered and she walked out of the room to tend to other patients. Michael squeezed my hand," We're not giving up, Leslie. We're in this for the long haul." " I just feel so defeated, Michael." I confessed. " I know you do, angel. But you're not. We're gonna defeat it. You've got to believe it." " It's hard to." " I know it is. Just hold onto me and my love and don't let go." he whispered as he held me in his arms. " I love you." I told him quietly. " I love you more." he said and looked at me with a little smile, then gave me a soft kiss," I wanna ask you something." " Yes?" " Okay you two, break it up. I need her in the chair." Kim said with a smile. " Sure, ruin a guys fun." Michael kidded her. " That's my job, Mike." she grinned. I sat down again and Michael held to my hand and waited until Kim left the room," Now, as I was saying," he began," I want to know if you'll come stay with me...but not just for a couple of days..." he said," I worry so much when you're not with me and I LOVE having you there with me...you can even put an extra lock on your door to keep me away." he smiled. " Why would I want to keep you away?" I asked, smiling. " Well, I DO have this thing for you." he teased. " You do? What kinda thing, Michael?" I smiled. " It's a love thang," he smiled back. " So because you love me I need another lock?" I grinned. " Because I love you and I' am SO weak where you're concerned." he chuckled. " I could use that to my advantage somehow, I'm sure." " I'm sure," he agreed," So is that a yes?" " Yes." I answered. Michael jumped up, did a spin then leaned down and kissed me quick then sat down again," This is gonna be GREAT!" he beamed. I laughed," You're a big kid, you know that?" " Uh huh, I've been told that a few times," he smiled and spoke quieter," I wish you could have seen my old house...it was my own little playland." " I've seen a few pictures--it must have been great." " It was...but things changed and I couldn't take being there-- we'll talk more later." I nodded, completely understanding. This was NOT the time nor place for us to discuss Neverland. After treatment, it was back to my place for some packing, then to Michael's. It was a comfortable routine staying with him and leaving always made us both quite sad. Michael, of course, took care of my every need and was never more than a few moments away from me. He was just wonderful to me, and though I thought before that I was in love with him, it was nothing compared to how I felt now. " Michael--" I said as he watched the movie on tv. " Yes angel?" he replied, turning to look at me. I grasped his shoulders and pulled him to me, kissing him the way I felt I needed to. He was making little approving sounds as his arms held to me and our kiss continued for some time until slowing and becoming soft, quick kisses. He leaned his forehead against mine and sighed happily. " Whatever I did to deserve THAT, PLEASE tell me so I can do it more often." " You just be you." I told him," I'm so in love with you..." His eyes searched mine as a little smile formed on his lips, " Tell me again." " I am so very much in love with you, Michael." " Oh God Leslie," he held me to him tightly," I love you so much...I never want us to be apart ever, ever again..." I touched his cheek and kissed him again," How could we be..we're one spirit..." " One heart...one love..." he replied tenderly then gave me a quick kiss," Stay put a minute, k? I'll be right back." " Okay..." I answered. Michael quickly got up, went to his room then came back out, turned off the tv and pressed the stereo on. And my favorite song,"That's All" began to play. Michael walked to me and took my hand," C'mere," he said softly and I walked with him to another place in the living room and we began to slow dance to the beautiful words as we both sniffled back tears. And the end verse came and Michael began to sing, looking at me," If you're wondering what I'm asking in return dear, You'll be glad to know that my demands are small, Say it's me that you'll adore, For now and ever more, that's all, that's all. I love youuuu, that's all..." We wiped the tears from one another's cheeks and giggled," We're crying." he said. " I noticed that too." I smiled. " And I got you to dance with me..." " Oh don't ruin it." I teased him. " Leslie?" " Yes, Michael?" " Would you marry me?"
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