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So Lovely(PART33) by Candice
I arrived home with a blank expression on my face. I didnâ??t want Michael to notice. I was carrying the folder and I had to rush to the bedroom to hide it under my pile of clothes inside the closet. Michael was inside his music studio. I didnâ??t want to bother him. I simply wanted to be alone. I wanted to think of many things. I wanted to ponder on how it felt to die. I wanted to talk to the sky and I wondered that if I did, would my dad be able to hear me? I changed into my pajamas and I carried a pillow out into the balcony. The sun was up but I didnâ??t really care. I let its rays touch my face. I sat down on the balcony floor and I started to think, think, and think. I knew I only had six months to live now. It was hard for me to accept it and whatâ??s made it even harder was the fact that I didnâ??t want to leave Michael behind. I buried my face into the pillow and I started to cry. Michael never came up to talk to me or even greet me a good morning. It was totally alright since I didnâ??t want him to me looking like shit, crying like a baby in the balcony. My eyes were very swollen and my nose was stuffed. I didnâ??t go down to eat at all. I stayed in the balcony until the afternoon finally came. Michael sat beside me and I was quite surprised at this. â??Hey. You didnâ??t tell me you were already home. I waited for you at the studio.â? He put his arm around me. â??Are you still mad at me?â? I asked. He leaned in and put his forehead on mine. â??Letâ??s forger about what happened. Iâ??m sorry.â? He kissed me on the cheek. â??So what did Dr. Walter say?â? He suddenly remembered I came from the doctor that morning. I was stuttering. â??W- well.. everythingâ??s alright. The results are normal but then I forgot the papers at his clinic.â? I replied with a smile. It was hard to lie to him, but I knew that I had to. â??Thatâ??s good. So what was the dizziness and the nosebleed about?â? He asked some more. â??Allergies.â? I answered. I decided to change the topic. â??Iâ??m hungry, wanna grab some dinner?â? I stood up and reached out for his hand. We went to the kitchen hand in hand. I decided to eat cereals and milk for dinner. Michael was eating bread and he was looking at me intently. â??You cried, didnâ??t you?â? he said as he ate his bread. â??Me? No my eyes are just puffy because I wasnâ??t able to sleep last night.â? I was making up all the possible excuses to be able to avoid the discussion of the results from the lab tests I had. Later that night.. Michael noticed that I had a hard time sleeping. â??Is anything bothering you?â? He sat up. I placed my head on his shoulder. â??Itâ??s nothing.â? I said faintly. He held my chin up so that I was facing him â??Look, if this has anything to do with that happened between us last night, Iâ??m sorry okay? I didnâ??t mean to say those words. Forget them.â? He kissed me on the lips. I wasnâ??t kissing him back. I simply pulled away and wrapped my arms around him. I was hugging him tight. I never wanted to let go. â??Hey.. Whatâ??s wrong?â? I felt his confusion. I wasnâ??t saying anything. I kept on hugging him until I felt my tears flow down my cheeks. It was so hard to lie to him and it was so depressing to know that I wasnâ??t going to be with him for long. I wanted to tell him but something deep down kept on stopping me from doing so. â??Iâ??m scared.â? I whispered. He pulled away from me and looked at me. â??Why? Please tell me why.â? He was stroking my cheek. â??Whatever problem that is, weâ??ll fix it okay? All you got to do is tell me.â? He was smiling. I wasnâ??t smiling AT ALL. He didnâ??t know how it felt. I didnâ??t know how to tell him but I knew I had to. â??Okay. Promise me you wonâ??t get mad or anything.â? I said as I kissed him gently. He looked at me and he was trying to figure out what I said. â??Okay, tell me.â? He held my hand and placed it against on his right cheek then he kissed it. â??Iâ??m sorry, I lied.â? I started telling him about what really happened in Dr. Walterâ??s clinic. â??I have the results with me, actually. I was just too scared to tell you and I didnâ??t know how to. But now it has hit me that you had the right to know. Iâ??m sorry..â? I trailed off to slow, quiet sobs. Michael was comforting me. â??Itâ??s okay. You can tell me. Iâ??m here.â? He was taking me in his arms. â??Do you really want to know?â? I asked, looking up at him. â??Yes, I do.â? He kissed me on the forehead. I stood up to get the folder that had my results. I handed it out to him. â??Before you open that, I want you to know that I did plan to tell you but I just didnâ??t know how to.â? I sat down beside him as he opened the envelope.
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