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Letting Go of Trust Issues Part 2

For Aariyan, thanks for the comment :)

-Shontell

Michael's explaining why Rachel's number was on his hand:

"I was getting ready to leave the set and she caught me just as I was about to get into my limo. She had some last minute ideas and wanted to know what I thought of them. There wasn't any paper around so she gave me her number and I wrote it on my hand. I knew you wouldnâ??t believe me. You already had your mind made up about the situation just like the other two times."

"So you were telling the truth about her just being someone working on the film?"

"Iâ??d never lie to you."

"You donâ??t know how hard it is for me to believe that."

"What can I do to make you believe?"

I started having flashbacks and my emotions starting stirring up inside of me like turbulent winds. Thereâ??s no telling what wouldâ??ve happened, thatâ??s why I had to leave.

"I need to take a walk."

"Want me to go with you?"

"I just need to be alone. I love you like crazy but there are things you donâ??t know."

"Then tell me."

"I canâ??t."

I felt my throat tighten up and my eyes fill up with tears. Before they roll down my face I storm out the front door.
These flashbacks are horrific. The more I attempt to block them out, the more my anger intensifies. Several times Iâ??ve busted holes in walls, broken dishes and windows. Somehow I lose myself. 
I couldnâ??t let Michael or anyone see me like that, especially the kids.
The sun was going down and the street lights were coming on. I kept walking. I didnâ??t want to return until I had completely calmed down. But I couldn't calm down. I just couldn't and I wasn't about to go back to Tayana's house so I checked into a hotel. I did have enough decency to call and let my family know that I was alright. 
Scooter answered the phone. I told him if anyone asked don't tell them it was me because I knew they'd want to talk and I didn't have much to say. I asked him about Michael and he said he told him he was overwhelmed with confusion. The only thing that made him smile was playing with Erin and Eric. He didn't want to eat and after a few hours of waiting around for me, he left. 
After I get off the phone, I ask myself, "Why am I letting this ruin me?" 
I have Michael confused which has never been my intention. 
Tayana was right. I am still a victim of their betrayal and I'm making Michael mine by dragging him through some mess he knows nothing about. 
This has got to end.  
I tried to go to sleep but my mind wouldnâ??t let me. I kept thinking about Michael. I wonder if heâ??s still awake.
I look at the hotelâ??s clock and its 4 a.m. 
I take a chance and called anyway.

...(Sleepy voice) Hello?
Me: Michael?
Michael: Shontell?
Me: Yeah, itâ??s me. Were you asleep?
Michael: Iâ??m tired but I couldnâ??t sleep. I was worried about you. Are you okay, where are you?
Me: Iâ??m okay, Iâ??m in a hotel.
Michael: Why didnâ??t you come back to Tayanaâ??s house?
Me: I couldnâ??t. 
Michael: Baby, Iâ??m so confused.  
Me: Scooter told me what you told him and I want you to know that Iâ??m not trying to confuse you.
Michael: Itâ??s frustrating too.
Me: None of this is my intention. 
Michael: I know. 
Me: I donâ??t know why itâ??s taken me so long but Iâ??m finally realizing how good you are to me and that Iâ??m the one with the problem.
Michael: Why donâ??t you trust me?
Me: Iâ??ve been hurt.
Michael: How come youâ??ve never told me?
Me: Itâ??s too difficult for me to talk about.
Michael: Honesty, I donâ??t even know the guy and I hate him for whatever heâ??s done to you. 
Me: Can we not talk about it?
Michael: Weâ??ll have to talk about it sometime because love is nothing without trust. 
Me: I know baby thatâ??s why Iâ??m going to seek answers. Tayana suggested that I get counseling and the rest of the family agreed with her. Iâ??ve never considered it but Iâ??m open to it if itâ??ll save us. I love and I donâ??t want to lose you.
Michael: You know I love you.
Me: Mm hmm.
Michael: I wish I could be you superman and rescue you from this.
Me: Youâ??re so sweet. In a lot of ways you are my superman...I donâ??t want to be here anymore. Can you fly over and come and get me?
Michael (laughs) Where are you?

I tell Michael the name of the hotel Iâ??m at and give him the address. He was there within thirty minutes. I met him outside and he picked me up from the front entrance

Gets in the car, "Thanks for coming."

"If Iâ??m able to do anything for you, I will."

Nothing much was said on the way to my house.

"Will you stay with me?"

"If you want me to, then yes."

"I want you to."

We get out of the car and go into the house. Itâ??s dark and cold. 
I go into my bedroom, Michael follows. We silently get under the covers. I lay on my side and he cuddles up behind me, finding my hand with his.

"I feel so safe with you here."

"Iâ??ll always protect you."

Within minutes we were both sound asleep. The thing that kept us both up was each other and when we finally talked and got together, for that moment our minds were at ease.
tBC...

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