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Love is a feeling *2*
For TatYaNa <3 Chapter Two It was Jermaine! He hadnâ??t spotted Michael yet, luckily. Michael wasnâ??t exactly keen on his brother seeing him in this state, so he quickly shifted his body further into the shadows. However, in his haste Michael bumped against one of the dustbins, hereby dislodging the lid which fell to the ground with a loud CRASH! Jermaineâ??s head whipped around immediately and Michael saw his eyes widen in surprise. â??Michael?! What the hell are you doing here, man??? Why dâ??you run out of there?â? ***Jermaine Jermaine came over to where his little brother was huddling and crouched down next to him. Michaelâ??s face was illuminated by the ghostly blue light emanating from the large neon sign of the building and to his huge surprise Jermaine saw that his brothers face was tearstained! â??Hey, little bro! Whatâ??s wrong?â?, Jermaine asked concerned. Michael just shook his head, fresh tears running down his brown cheeks, trickling onto his sweater. Now Jermaine was starting to get really alarmed. â??Michael! What happened?! Why are you crying??â? Jermaine watched as Michael looked up at him wordlessly with those huge unhappy eyes of his. â??Iâ??m p-pa-pathetic!â?, his little brother sobbed, suddenly lurching forwards and clinging to him. Jermaine was taken by surprise, but he quickly recovered, hugging his brother back tightly. Anything to cheer him up! Trying to calm him down Jermaine squeezed Michaelâ??s shoulder soothingly. â??Hey, hey, hey! Come on, Mike! What are you talking about?? Youâ??re not pathetic!â? â??Y-yes I am!â?, Michael whispered. â??No woman will look twice at me!â? Jermaine frowned. Where did he get THAT idea from? â??I donâ??t get itâ?¦â?¦â?¦â? â??Wh-when I was at the b-bar just now thisâ?¦â?¦thisâ?¦â?¦â?¦GIRL was f-flirting with me, butâ?¦â?¦â?¦Iâ?¦â?¦I didnâ??t realize that she was aâ?¦â?¦â?¦â?¦aâ?¦â?¦â?¦PROSTITUTE, until sheâ?¦â?¦sheâ?¦â?¦â?¦said sheâ??d give me a special price for sp-special services or something and thenâ?¦â?¦â?¦â?¦she-she TOUCHED me!â? Jermaine raised his eyebrows. He didnâ??t quite understand! Why would that upset Michael?! He knew he wouldnâ??t have minded much! â??Soâ?¦â?¦â?¦what did you do?â?, he carefully ventured. Michael stared at him with reproachful eyes. â??I refused! I told her to get off me!â? Jermaine was now totally at sea. â??Huh?â?, he asked puzzled â??I donâ??t really see the problem. So? A stripper flirted with you, she asks you to â??â?? He was immediately cut off. â??Donâ??t you SEE, Jermaine?!?! She was only flirting, because she wanted my money! She didnâ??t do it, because she was attracted to me or because she wanted to have an intelligent conversation with meâ? â?? Michael let out another sob â?? â??but because she wanted me to pay her to FUCK me!!!â? Jermaine flinched. Heâ??d never ever heard Michael swear before! This must be more serious than he thought! But why was Michael getting so upset over a prostitute? His brother knew full well thatâ??s what hookers DID! â??Michael, why are you so mad? Itâ??s kinda her JOB to do that!â? That was definitely the wrong thing to say! Michael just stared at Jermaine, mouth agape. â??You still donâ??t get it, do you?â?, he asked quietly â??you donâ??t understand, because youâ??ve had much more experience than I have and you donâ??t view women the same way I do. Remember all those groupies you used to bring back to our hotel room? Remember how you made love to them while Marlon and I were sleeping in the other bed?â? Jermaine shifted about guiltily. Oh how vividly those memories still wereâ?¦â?¦â?¦ â??Iâ??ve told you before that Iâ??m sorry about thatâ?, he mumbled â??It was a really dumb thing to do!â? Michael ignored him and plowed on. â??Youâ??ve experienced what itâ??s like to really love a woman. You know what itâ??s like to hold her, you know what itâ??s like to be touched by her, to make love to her!â? â??Dude!â?, muttered Jermaine. He felt a little bit uncomfortable talking about this subject with Michael. His little brother looked at him sadly. â??You canâ??t imagine how much Iâ??ve yearned for that! How much my body has ached for a sensual touch. I want to LOVE, Jermaine! I really want to love! But Iâ??m scared! I want to be able to be with someone like you and the others have been. Heck, even Randy has experienced that and heâ??s three years younger than I am! But I donâ??t want my first time to be with a stripper in some crummy back room and I donâ??t want it to be meaningless, eitherâ?¦â?¦â?¦â? This was a problem Jermaine had no idea how to cope with. What advice could he really give his little brother? His first time had been in a hotel room with one of their groupies when he was only fifteen! Now he came to think of it that wasnâ??t any better than the situation Michael had described. He supposed the difference was that he hadnâ??t done it out of love, but out of lust and curiosity about what it would feel likeâ?¦â?¦â?¦ But Jermaine really couldnâ??t see Michael having sex for that reason. Thatâ??s were they were different. But he hadnâ??t really believed up â??til now that his brother was in fact still a virgin! He was 22! â??Mikeâ?¦â?¦â?, he said cautiously â??are you really serious? Have you neverâ?¦â?¦?â? Michael shook his head. â??Neverâ? â??Wellâ?, Jermaine began hesitantly â??donâ??t you think you should just, you know! Get it over with? I mean, right now youâ??re so worried about not being experienced and not having a relationship with a girl that youâ??ve gotten yourself into this vicious cycle! Youâ??re scared about being in a relationship, because youâ??ve never had sex, but if youâ??re not in a relationship you wonâ??t have sex! Youâ??ve gotta break the cycle somehow, Mike!â? ***Michael Michael thought about that for a minute. In a way Jermaine was right (he always was, goddammit!). He was terrified about being in a relationship where the woman was more â??matureâ? than he was. But the idea of having sex for no other reason but lust and self-gratification made him shudder, he hated that his brothers couldnâ??t see that. His whole life heâ??d longed for people to hold him and tell him they loved him. As a child his mother had done that, if not nearly often enough, because heâ??d never really had a moment to spare due to work. But now he was a grown man and it was not the touch of a mother he needed. The elders of Kingdom Hall, his fellow Jehovahâ??s witnesses always preached about how important it was to stay celibate and not to â??fornicateâ? around. They said you should be married before sharing such an intimate moment with your partnerâ?¦â?¦â?¦ Michaelâ??s mother was proud of him, because he was really the only one of his brothers who went to the gatherings on a regular basis and followed their rules. But he didnâ??t WANT to follow anyoneâ??s rules anymore! How could his religion deny him the happiness he craved so much? Why couldnâ??t they see that making love could be a beautiful thing and not in the least bit indecent? Did it really matter whether you were married to the person, as long as you acted out of loveâ?¦â?¦â?¦â?¦? â??I donâ??t know, Jermaine! I feel so guiltyâ?¦â?¦â?¦wanting! You and our brothers, you wouldnâ??t think twice about something like this! Letâ??s face it, broâ?¦â?¦â?¦youâ??re married! What do you think Hazel would say if she knew where you spend your Saturday nights?â? He watched his older brother fidget uncomfortably and mumbling something inaudible. â??When do ever think about how much this might hurt Hazel, if she ever found out? The thing is, you NEVER stop to think about something like that. You just DO it and donâ??t worry about any consequencesâ?¦â?¦â?¦if I had a beautiful wife like you, I KNOW I wouldnâ??t be spending my Saturday evenings at thisâ?¦â?¦â?¦this DUMP!â? â??Mike, listen to meâ?¦â?¦â?, Jermaine began. â??NO, Jermaine! YOU listen!â?, Michael snapped â??Do you even know how lucky you are? Have you ever thought that youâ??re risking your happiness by coming here? Do you know whatâ??s your problem? LUST! You act not out of love, but out of LUST!! You simply canâ??t get enough!â? â??Michael â??â?? â??DONâ??T you Michael me, Jermaine!â?, Michael yelled jumping to his feet. â??In some ways youâ??re no better than the local prostitute, are you? Always looking for a different person to satisfy you!â? Jermaine sprang up as well. He looked furious â??What the HELL is THAT supposed to mean, Michael?! What the FUCK is your problem? I get that you feel depressed, but just because you havenâ??t had the balls to have sex with someone you donâ??t have to go round telling me I have fucked up morals or how to act in my marriage, okay???â? Michael gasped. He stood there speechless, just staring at his older brother who was fuming in front of him. Jermaine didnâ??t really mean that, did he? He would never say something as mean!!! Those words had really stung himâ?¦â?¦â?¦so thatâ??s what his older brother really thought about him. That he was a cowardâ?¦â?¦â?¦â?¦â?¦â?¦ Michael gazed into his brotherâ??s eyes for a long time. Finally he turned away and started walking down the deserted street to the main road. Jermaineâ??s voice rang out behind him. â??Michael WAIT! I didnâ??t really mean that! It just slipped out, okay?â? Michael kept on walking, his footsteps echoing loudly in the street. What did he care? Jermaine had made himself perfectly clear on the matter, hadnâ??t he? Michael felt slightly bad about loosing control and shouting at his brother, but it was true, wasnâ??t it? His brothers didnâ??t really respect women as much as he didâ?¦â?¦â?¦maybe thatâ??s he was the only male virgin in the family. â??Michael!! Come on, this is stupid! Where the hell are you going anyway?â? â??None of your damn business!â? Splash, splash his feet made as he trudged through a puddle. â??You know itâ??s like six miles to our place, right?â?, Jermaine yelled to make himself heard over Michaelâ??s loud footsteps. â??Iâ??m going to see Tatyana!â?, he yelled back. He REALLY didnâ??t want to talk with Jermaine anymore, theyâ??d just end up fighting. â??But you donâ??t even have a ride!â? Michael stopped and turned around to look back at his brother. â??You know, Jermaine! Like that great song once said: These boots are made for walking! Only in my case theyâ??re mildly drenched penny loafers!â? â??YOU ARE ACTING LIKE A BABY, YOU KNOW THAT?!â? Michael just ignored him and walked on. Heâ??d now reached the main street where even at this hour the cars still rushed past. Not even looking back, Michael made his way along the busy road. He needed his best friend right now. ... hope you liked it, don't forget to vote :) lots of L.O.V.E. - emy -
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