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I've got my pride, so hear me sing *26*
*Here is part 26. Hope you all like it-Fluffykins* (Maria Carmen) Something inside me just couldn't believe I was actually sitting in front of him. Dominic. The man that raped me, but yet gave me the gift of my daughter Lillian. I didn't know to feel angry...to feel pain...to feel sorry for him...I just felt like I needed to be myself in there, and try to be an adult in this situation. With a straight face, I looked right into Dominic eyes and couldn't help but see a little bit of Lilly in them. Dammit! Maria Carmen, pull yourself together girl. This is buisness. Not a visit. Dominic: whoa. Me: *raises an eyebrow* what? Dominic: i-it's just that I would never thought you or even Lillian would be here to see me Me: trust me. I never thought that either Dominic: so, um, how are you? Me: pretty good. Up till the whole my duaghter, sister, brother and my friend Omar started going willy nilly all over everywhere because of a riddle thing Dominic: so that's why Lilly came to visit, huh? Just because of some riddle thing Me: she wouldn't have any other choice but to do that for Dominic: I know you told her I was dead for all those years Me: *a little shocked* how? Dominic: how about we say she is a real tough cookie. And she likes to get to the point Me: that is my daughter for you-well, I guess our daughter... Dominic: no. No, no...don't even act like you wanna say our daughter cause I know you don't Me: how do you know? Dominic: let me see. Well, I raped you when you were in your early twenties...you were just starting out with a great career as the Princess of Pop. There was a baby growing inside of you that was never meant to be there. You looking now like, "Oh...she's the greatest thing that ever happened to me" but I know when you found out you were pregnant...your whole world was crushed. I'm sure your daddy and momma's world was, too. Just like my wife and my son was. Yes, I was married and had a beautiful, strong, handsome son...just waiting to start football and have his old man tell him how to throw, catch and have defense in the game. Well, little did he or his mother know daddy was living a double life as a monster that needed to be stopped. And I was stopped. I let myself get caught...I had done it again, right after the news said you were pregnant and I was thinking: "My god...I can't do this anymore to no one else." Looking back to how I am now, to how I was then...makes me sick to my fucking stomach. All those harmless, fragile women I hurt...and the family I broke apart. After I got arrested...my wife filed divorced, took my son and kicked me out of my own house. The house I built for me and her when we had nothing to our names and we said we'd make it work. Yes. My actions got the best of me, I lost the best thing that could ever happen. So after a few years when Lillian, maybe was four or five, I wrote you that letter telling you how sorry I was and how I want Lillian to know her father thinks of her day after day and how sorry he is that he can't be around for her. How she acted when I told her the news, she didn't seem like she even wanted me to be her father anymore. The disgust that was in her eyes-the same damn eyes I had...it made me more disgusted with myself. There was the one little child I never thought I'd never see-*sees me wiping tears out of my eyes* now don't you cry over my stupid self, Maria Carmen. You stronger than that. I know you are. But when she walked out of those doors, my heart broke even more. And now here you are, standing before me and I know you probably have more to say about me. So just let it go out in the open. I told the guard over there, no matter what you did...don't restran you. Just let it go through how it needs too. So, please, say your piece...go ahead. I was quite for a few minutes. He did say I could do and say anything I want...so if he's going to have it that way...okay. I staid quite for a little longer, not doing anything until he called my name and I swung my arm forward and bitch slapped him hard in the face. He fell out of his chair, then got back up on it rubbing his sore cheek. I know I hit him hard, cause the back of my hand was stinging like hell. And I assume he was right that the cop wouldn't do anything to me for doing this because he is just standing by the door, smirking like he enjoyed me slapping him! Asshole... Dominic: I deserved that. I understand...but my god you have the hardest, man-like slap I have ever known Me: growing up with guys, yeah, you learn how to have a hard slap or you let them run over you. I chosed to have a hard slap. Dominic: I see that. Now...get on with the yelling, or whatever you want. Maybe to hit me more...just get your anger out Me: I am mad, Dominic. I am mad because I basicually forced my friend Kevin to drive me for about twenty-four hours or even more, forcing him to listen to Suicide Silence and every other thing I listen to beside his Blood On The Dance Floor CDs...for what? For me to let my anger out on a man, who had apologized years before in a letter, that I responded too and probably never got a chance to get out of the house itself. Though I was pissed off at you for so long till Lillian was born. I looked right into the innocent face of that baby girl, and then I thought. This, this little person is now the center of my world. And all it took was something I never thought could happen to me...and look, it did. I'm a mother of a beautiful, smart, hard-headed, wonderful almost 12-year-old girl. As crazy as it seems, I have you to thank for that. Cause if it wasn't for your stupid mistake...I'd never understand the joy my mother and my father had raising me, 'til Lillian was born. I got you to thank. You're probably wondering, why the hell this fool thanking me for. Because you gave me the gift of a new life, and a fresh start once she was born. To let you know, I thought about abortion. I didn't think I could handle having a child...but my father, mother and my whole family-including Joseph Jackson supported me. They talked me out of it. I had Lillian. I changed my whole life. You looking at me now, and you would never thought I was the one who use to be in trouble all of the time. I was in Public Safety in 9th grade after fighting this one girl who got on my nerves so much. Trinidad Johnson. Then in 11th grade, got sent to DJJ for a few days but I don't call it that...I call it jail because it sounds just like that. Same girl. Then in '98, got sent to real jail. Daddy bailed me out. All the time I fought her, and all of the other shit I did was because of how they treated me, how they made fun of my family, and all of the fucking mean remarks to my father. And I wasn't going to take it. I fought back...weither with my fist, my interviews or in my music. I fought back. I was labled rebellious-and trust me I am paying for it because of Lilly. She is rebellious as hell. I thought I could take on the world with this bad ass attitude. No one can hurt me, no one was gonna hurt me. Then I was wrong...*points to him* you happened. I'm not saying you're a bad thing, to everyone else you are. To me you're just a guy who had a moment in his life where he didn't know what he was doing...and he made stupid mistakes. Everyone has those moments in life, and we all have to face the facts too. You do something wrong, you own up to it. No matter what people say. Cause they gonna be talking about you till the day you die and there ain't nothing you can do about it, hun. Just try to remember that. And know I'm not mad at you, I forgave you. I also want you to know, Lillian is more mad at me than she is at you. I was the one who lied to her for years saying you left before she was born and died a week later after you sent your letter. *Looks at the clock* Well...um, my visit time is over. I hope you get better hun. Keep up the good work you're doing here *smiles and him* Dominic: I will He smiled back and me, and I couldn't help it I hugged him tight and started walking away. Wishing my letter could've got to him. Dominic: oh, Maria Me: yes? Dominic: I got your letter. *Smiles at me, being taken back to his area of the jail* Thanks hun...for everything Me: *smiles and walks out* I walked back to the waiting area with Kevin flirting with a guy with a Jeffree Stars. I rolled my eyes, walking over to him, dragged him away from the guy with the JS shirt by the ear. I dragged him like that all the way to the car. Kevin: I had a chance there! Me: yeah just like how my foot will have a chance to be shoved up your ass Kevin: there is just nothing but evil inside you, huh? Me: *opens the door, shoves him in there on the driver side* yep. It only comes out when you're around Kevin: *looking at me front the driver side window* you're such a great friend. *I get in the passenger side* Have I told you that? Me: yes. Now take me back home before my family kills my husband Kevin: you don't know...maybe they're actually getting along Me: please. You know Randy and Dalton don't see eye to eye since we started dating Kevin: fine...fine Me: thank you Kevin started the car, backed it out of the parking lot of the jail and we were on our way back home. Oh, it's gonna be great to have my husband's arms around me again...but then again...when my baby girl comes back, it'll be great for me to just hug her and never let her go. Just like when Paris and Blanket get back I'm gonna do the samething, too. Just can't wait to get home. *Well there was part 26...part 27 will be here soon. And I can't believe this story is almost over. Just a few more parts, and we'll be home free. Then...maybe I can start a new story. Cause I have an idea. Though I'm waiting for this one to be over with...so, um, bye for now(:*
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