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I'm Not Letting Go~~Chapter 8
I still feel kinda lousy, but I didn't want to disappoint you guys by not having chapter 8 up today....well, it's still today where I am on the west coast, anyhow! I hope you enjoy Chapter 8! Huggles! ~~Leslie After only about an hour of sleep, I awoke about 9 am to find Michael dressed and sitting beside me." Good morning, angel," he said with a smile," You had a rough night." I nodded," I'm sorry I kept you awake--" " You didn't. I was right where I wanted to be," he replied," Now, here's your medications and some water. Do you feel like trying to eat something?" " Not really, but I need to or I'll feel worse." I answered. " What would you like?" " Maybe just some yogurt...strawberry?" " Yogurt it is," he said giving my cheek a kiss," I'll call room service then be right back." Michael did return soon and again sat down beside me, taking my hand in his," What can I do for you? Anything?" " I could use a hug." I answered. " Oh I can manage that," he said and pulled me into his arms, closing his eyes," I love you." " I love you." I echoed," You know, I'm going to miss you." " Miss me?" he held me away from him with a little smile," Where'm I going?" " You're not. I am. I have to go home today." " Why?" " Well, because I have things I need to do in order to not feel like I'm a complete waste of flesh and blood." " Hey, don't talk that way." " I'm sorry, it's just how I feel lately." " I wish you didn't have to go, Leslie. It's been so perfect having you with me here..." " I've loved it too, Michael. But we can talk on the phone...we haven't done that yet." I smiled. " No, we haven't, have we." " Nope." It was about 5pm when Michael took me home. We stood at the door to my place as he held to my hands and a tear rolled down his cheek. " I am going to miss you, so much." he said somberly. " Aww," I hugged him," Please don't cry. This isn't goodbye, you know?" " I know, I know," he answered and kissed me gently," I love you from the bottom of my heart. " I love you." I answered and gave him a squeeze," Now don't go having too much fun without me." " I'm sure I won't." he said and kissed me softly several more times. " Go, Michael." I said gently pushing him back. " Call me." " I will." " And I'll call you." he said. " I'll look forward to it." " I love you." " I love you. Now go." I smiled at him. " Just one more kiss," he said I laughed," You're like a big kid..." " Thank you, now how about that kiss?" he smiled softly. I kissed him quickly and he frowned," Oh I don't think so--" he said and slid his hands up my arms, taking my shoulders in them and pulling me close he kissed me lovingly," I love you." " I love you too." " Call me, Garfield." he said starting to walk away backward. " I will, Odie." I said and turned to go inside when Michael quickly came back to me and kissed me deeply, his tongue parting my lips and exploring my mouth as his arms held me tighter. " I'll see you soon, angel." he said as he again began to walk away and to the SUV. I waved goodbye to him and went inside my place, closing the door behind me, when my phone began to ring. " Yes, hello." I answered. " Hello." It was Michael already. " Well, hello Mr. Kelley. It's been so long--" I teased. " Yes it has...I miss you." " Aww," I smiled," Absence makes the heart grow fonder, they say." " I can't grow any fonder than I am," he smiled," My heart is yours." " It's a beautiful heart, too." " ...well I wanted you to know I was thinking of you." " That was sweet. Really." " Can we talk later?" he asked. " Sure, just call me." " I will, believe me. So...I'll talk with you soon, then." " Okay, I'll be looking forward to it." I said. " Me too...I love you." " I love you too." We hung up. Amazing and still hard to fathom. In love with Michael Jackson. As the evening went on, I was sick again and could only talk with Michael briefly. He tried his hardest to get me to come back to his hotel so he could 'take care of me', but I didn't even feel up to going. The next few days were the same and I was constantly taking medications to help control the nausea. Damn tumor. I wasn't sleeping again either and when chemo day came on Thursday, I was finally feeling a bit better. Tired, exhausted, but a bit better. I sat down in my chemo chair and Michael's smiling face came into view and he began to snap his fingers, then sing to the tune of "The Way You Make Me Feel". " Hello my lady with the IV's on, I hate your cancer and I wish that it were gone, It's been four long days since I've seen your smile, So here I am just to sit with you a while, I've never known a girl just like you, I'm stayin' here and together we'll see this through, You know my heart and it loves you so, And I won't let you go--- Cuz you're the girl for me.....you make my heart beat so... You fill my soul with your love...and this you've gotta know..." I was smiling as he sang the song and when he finished I chuckled and applauded him. He took a bow and came into the room, leaning down to kiss my cheek, then pulling 'his' chair next to mine," Hi angel." " Hi Michael." " Feeling better today?" he asked taking my hand in his. " Yeah I think so. How are you?" " Much better now that I'm with you," he said," I've missed you something awful, girl." " We've talked every day." I smiled. " Yeah, but it's different being with you. I get to see your eyes and your smile...and we have to be too guarded on the phone," he said softly," No one can know it's me yet.." " I know," I answered looking down at our clasped hands," I missed you too." He smiled," I sure like hearing that." " Well it's true," I told him," You always make me feel better." " That's a nice thing to say, thank you." After chemo, we decided to go to 'our' park and as we fed the ducks and seagulls, I spoke to him. " Hey Michael, can I ask you something?" " Anything, you know that." " That dancer girl from your video who kissed you--" " Tatiana, yes?" " Did you really fire her for kissing you?" He nodded," I did. A kiss is very personal and intimate and there needs to be the right feelings behind it, at least to me...I didn't have feelings for her and it wasn't part of the show. I felt taken advantage of, VERY taken advantage of. And I wasn't gonna let it happen twice. So I fired her." " Was she angry?" " I think she was more surprised than angry, at first. But I felt used and like I said, if the emotions aren't there, I can't kiss someone." " You kissed me pretty easily." I smiled. " Yeah, I wonder why?" he grinned," So who was your first kiss?" " My husband. Well, we weren't married yet, but he was my first kiss." " You must have loved him deeply." " Always." I answered quietly. " Do you think you'll ever get married again?" " I dunno...what about you?" " I'd like to...but for the right reasons this time. I want to be head over heels in love...and I wasn't with either previous wife." he smiled," I've only been in love twice...and the first time I was like 10 or 11, so that doesn't really count." " Probably not." I smiled. " C'mon, let's go sit down so we don't tire you out." he laced his fingers with mine and we walked back to our table, still talking," Do you know, when I was a teenager, my brothers went so far as to get prostitutes to come backstage to my dressing room to try to seduce me." " What? Michael, that's terrible!" " I dunno why my being--a gentleman--bothered them so much, but it did. I didn't want to touch those women, I just wanted to talk with them and they'd get angry and leave." " Oh Michael, you must have felt so humiliated---" " I was," he answered with teary eyes," I just don't get it...to this day...why EVERYONE wants to know about my sex life. Does he, doesn't he? Has he? Is he gay, straight-" he sighed," I'm NOT gay. And I don't view intimacy as something casual or just something to do..." " I know. We are exactly alike there, Michael." " ...I can't believe I'm sitting here talking about this subject with a girl," he said with a little smile," It's always been so hard for me to open up, especially to a girl..." he chuckled," What DO you do to me, girl?" I laughed," Nothing but listen and care..." " And make my heart soar," he said, squeezing my hands," I love you more with every passing minute." " I love you too. And the more you share with me, the more reasons I find to love you." I told him. "...pack a bag and come stay with me a few days again," he said seriously," Let me take care of you and have your smile only a breath away." " Okay." I answered. " Really?" he smiled. " Really." I smiled back. " Wow, that was easy," he chuckled," No hesitation at all." " I enjoy being with you." I said. " I'm glad, cuz I enjoy being with you too." he smiled," Let's go get your stuff." As we headed to my house, Michael's phone began to ring. " It's not me." I teased. He laughed as he answered," Hello?" " Hi baby." " Mother!" he smiled," It's good to hear your voice." " Yours too, honey. How are you doing?" " Couldn't be better." he answered giving me a wink. " You sound happy, Michael." " I am, Mother. I'm in love." " You're in love?" she repeated. " Yes,head over heels, heart in my throat in love." " Who's the lucky girl?" " Her name is Leslie. I met her at a cancer center several weeks ago." " She's a nurse?" " No Mother, a patient." he said," you'd love her. She has the right morals and values...she doesn't drink, do drugs, smoke or swear," he said proudly," She's perfect." " Baby, of course I want you to be happy, but what's going to happen when you have to tell her the truth--" " I already did," he smiled," And she doesn't care. She loves me for me." " Isn't that kind of risky telling someone you don't know?" " I KNOW her and it was the right thing to do," he confessed," It helped us to bond even more deeply." " What kind of cancer does she have?" " Pancreatic." Katherine sighed," Oh baby, that's a serious one..." " I know, Mother." he said," We're just taking it one day at a time." He squeezed my hand," She's an amazing lady." " She must be. I've never heard you like this before." " I've never felt like this before," he confessed," Not once in my whole life. You are going to adore her, I know you are." " I'm sure I will if you do." she smiled," Just be careful baby. I don't want to see you hurt." " I won't be," he said happily," She loves me." " Michael," I whispered," I'm gonna go get my bag--" " Oh okay angel, but let me carry it for you when you're done, okay?" " Okay." I replied and went inside to pack while Michael stayed on the phone with his mother. " She's not even a fan?" she said to him. " She knows my work and my career, but no, not a crazy fan," he said with a smile," She likes Barry and his brothers." " Oh I see. Does she have children?" " No...but she was married almost 24 years. He died in August last year." " Oh that's terrible." " Mother, she's so strong inside. She had an abusive father, worked when she was a child...she shares my views on sex and relationships..." " Honey that's wonderful, but you know, the cancer she has...well...it's very bad..." " I know," he sighed," I wish I could do something to save her." " Well, love can do a lot of things, Michael. If you truly love this girl, just love her." " That's easy to do, Mother. How are the kids? I miss them so much." " They're a handful, but they're wonderful." " Keep sending me pictures over the phone, okay?" " I will. No need to worry about that." " Mother, I see Leslie with her bag. I need to carry it for her. She just had chemo today and--" " Go take care of her, sweetheart," she said," I love you, Michael." " I love you more, Mother. Talk soon." " Bye baby." Michael quickly was with me and he carried my suitcase. " How's your mother?" I asked. " She's fine, thank you for asking. She's anxious to meet the lady who's captured my heart." he smiled. " Me too, who is she?" I teased. " Silly girl." he smiled and back to his hotel we went. It was so easy and comfortable being with him. I wondered, and worried about how he would handle life when he had to go back to being Michael Jackson. He seemed so happy being unknown-just a person.
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