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Letting Go of Trust Issues Part 1
Early 1986 Tonight Michael came over to spend time with me. We were cuddled up on the couch getting ready to watch a movie but our plans were quickly ruined when I notice some writing on his hand. I grab it pretending like I want to hold hands but really I'm curious to see what this writing says. Once I see it, his ass is grass. "Who the hell is Rachel?!" I scream holding his hand up to his face. His eyes grow wide and he seems startled like he forgot it was there. "Oh so you're not going to give me an answer?" "Um, she's..." "You can't even be sneaky, got the evidence all over you." "I'm not trying to be sneaky; she's just a girl that works on the set of Captain EO." "Just a girl that works on the set of Captain EO huh? Obviously this Rachel doesn't know the meaning of keeping it professional. Are you going to call her?" "Not for anything personal." "Really?â? He's gets annoyed, "I told you sheâ??s just someone who works on the set.â? "Don't catch an attitude because you got caught again. You're the one being careless as if you don't have a fiancé and your actions tell me you're not ready to get married." He puts both his hands on his face then pushes them up through his hair, "You're blowing this way out of proportion." "You think so?" "Yes you are." Folds my arms, "Go wash it off." "Fine, if that'll prove to you this girl means nothing to me outside of work I'll do it." Michael gets up and goes into the bathroom. I follow behind him. "Do you really have to watch?" "Yep, is that a problem?" He shakes his, no. "Use soap." After he thoroughly washes his hands he shows me that the name and number are gone. "See, nothing. It's gone; can we please get back to the movie?" "We will not be getting back to anything." "You can't be serious, I washed it off. Itâ??s over." "I'm serious Michael, I'm so sick of having to wonder about you and these random women. You know this not the first time something like this had happened. You want to be an undercover player go right ahead but you will not be playing me," takes off the engagement ring and gives it to him, "I no longer want to be Mrs. Michael Jackson. You can see yourself out of my house." Michael's eyes begin to water up, "You don't mean that." "I love you but I cannot deal with this. You know where the door is, goodnight." "Shontell, baby please." "Michael, it's over. Let it go and forget about me. I'll be doing the same." I leave him standing there as I go into my bedroom. I lie down on my bed and hold my tears back until I hear the front door slam. All night I cried until I feel asleep.The next morning I wake up at 7:00. I get ready for work even though I don't have to be there till 10. While I've got the free time I gather any and everything that reminds me of Michael (pictures, love letters, stuffed animals he bought for me, even his music) and I put them in a big box and drag it out to the garage. I couldn't throw it away because 1. Fear of someone going through it and seeing those personal and intimate letters, our pictures. Too many details of our relationship are in that box. 2. I really don't want to forget about him, I'm crazy in love with him. Right now I'm just mad ass fuck. Once I'm done with that I grab my guitar. Iâ??ve got to get this anger out. I strum some chords then the words come pouring out of me. Within an hour I had written, "Never Want to See You Again." 10:00 came and I met my sister and our band for rehearsal. I performed the song for them and they loved it. I couldn't fool my sister though; she knew that it wasn't just something I came up with. When it's break time she pulls me aside, "They don't know it but I know that song is about you know who. Something happened between you and Michael that triggered memories about what went down with your ex. What happened?" "Last night I found this chicks name and number written on his hand. When I asked him about it he said she's a girl that works on the set of the movie he's doing." "Do you believe him?" "I don't know. Something like this has happened twice already. Last night was the third time; I kicked his ass out of my house and gave him back his engagement ring. Three times is too many." "But Shontell, you have no solid proof that he cheated on you with either of those girls." "Are you taking his side?" "No. I'm not taking anyone's side.â? "But youâ??re saying it's my fault?" "You're my sister and I love you but face the facts, your last relationship was hell. He cheated on you with our cousin. It was devastating for you, me, the whole family. I know youâ??re still suffering from that and you're expecting Michael to be the same way. Youâ??re still his victim and youâ??re making Michael yours. He might just be telling the truth. Women are going to hit on him, he's Michael Jackson get used to it and get counseling before you screw up the best thing that's ever happened to you." "I think I already did." "Maybe not, you canâ??t just stop loving someone overnight." After rehearsal is over I trailed her to her house. She said her husband Marcel (we call him Scooter) is barbecuing. She also told me that our parents and grandfather were going to be there. I was excited to see them all especially grandpa Ray. He's our mother's father and the only grandparent we have still living. When we get to Tayana's house in the back yard where the festivities are happening my little twin nephews Erin and Eric run up to me with open arms screaming, "Aunt Shontell is here!" Theyâ??re five years old. Hugs both of them, "Hey Erin and Eric, I'm so happy to see you guys. The two of you are getting so big." "Come play catch with us aunt Shontell," Eric says. "Please?" Erin asks. "Ok but first let me say hi to everyone else." I go over and say hi to my parents, Scooter and grandpa Ray. "Shontell, you and your sister look so much alike, both beautiful as bloomed flowers. Come on over here and give your grandfather a hug." I give my grandpa a big hug, then Scooter and my parents. "Wassup sister in law?" "Hey Scooter." "Hello sweetheart." "Hey mama." "How's my baby girl doing?" "I'm doing the best I can dad." "What's the matter?" grandpa asks. "Don't lie and say nothing is wrong because I'll tell them if you don't," Tayana says. "Tell us what?" mom asks. "Your future son in law became your ex son in law last night." I explain. Everyone gasps, except for Tayana. She already knew. "What!?" "Hold up, so you're saying you and Michael aren't engaged anymore?" Scooter asks. "Yes." "But I invited him to the barbecue." "You did what!?" I exclaim. "I didnâ??t know anything about that," Tayana says. Then she begins to tell them what I had told her went down last night. She also shared her opinion about how she thinks I should go to counseling for help getting over what happened with my ex and that sorry excuse for a cousin. They all agree that itâ??s a good idea. "Alright, I'll go to counseling but how am I going to handle the current situation?" As soon I said that Michael shows up. Then my mother says, "You can start by apologizing." The twins see Michael and they run up to him just as they did me. He's happy to see them and of course they're excited that he's there. They ask him to play catch, he promised he would after he says hello to everyone. As he walks over to us I feel like walking away but grandpa knows me all too well, he grabs my hand and squeezes it as if telling me I'm not going anywhere. He says hello to everyone and gives them hugs. He looks at me like he wants to say something but is hesitating. I look away. Though he's heard a lot about him it's his first time seeing Grandpa Ray. "Shontell, why don't you introduce Michael to your grandfather," mom suggests. "Michael this is my momâ??s dad, me and Tayanaâ??s grandfather, Grandpa Ray." "Shontell has told me so much about you sir, it's a pleasure to finally meet you." Michael and grandpa hug. "Would you look at that, this young man is a mega superstar yet he still is respectful and polite. It's an honor to meet you son. You know who you remind me of?" "Who?" "Good old Jackie Wilson and James Brown. You son, are a true entertainer just like them." "Wow sir thank you. Those are two of my biggest influences." "Youâ??re welcome and I can tell youâ??re influenced by the greats.â? "Hey MJ, you got to teach grandpa to moonwalk one day," Scooter says. They all laugh. "I bet if he shows me how itâ??s done, Iâ??ll do it better than him." I join in on the laughter because we all know grandpa loves to dance and he might just try to show Michael out. "Say Michael, can I ask of you a favor?" "Yes sir." "You made a song called Pretty Young Thing right?" "Yes." "Do you see that one standing next to you?" He looks at me, "Yes." "Do you love her?" Everyone's silent. "Yes sir I do very much." "Do you still want to marry her?" "More than anything." "Good, now the favor I need from you is to take her hand." Michael looks at my grandfather like he's crazy. After what happened last night he isn't sure about this. "Go ahead son." He grabs my hand. "Now tell her what you just told me." He turns toward me. "Shontell, I love you and despite what happened, I still want you to be my wife." "I love you too Michael but..." Grandpa interrupts, "Alright everyone that's our cue to leave." They all get up and go play with the twins except Scooter, he watches over the barbecue. "Aunt Shontell and Uncle Michael said they'd play with us," Eric says. "They'll play later right now they're talking," Tayana tells them. "About what?" Erin asks. "Grown up stuff, throw the ball," dad says. My mom laughs, "Erin youâ??re so nosey." Michael and I were still standing on the patio. "Wanna go inside?" I ask. "Sure." We go into the kitchen. "I'm sorry about last night.â? "I'm sorry this keeps happening." "Why does it keep happening? The first two times it was a message on your voicemail, then a phone call and last night a number on your hand." "You always blow up at me before I get the chance to explain anything. Women throw themselves at me every day; itâ??s a part of what I do. Iâ??ve been dealing with groupies since my Jackson 5 days. I can't control it. I don't know how those two crazy stalker girls got my number. I never even met them." "But why did you let this Rachel chick write her number on your hand?" "I really tried to tell you last night but as usual you blew up at me.â? "Iâ??m listening now." ...tBc
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