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SG&MJ-Forever: Part 16
Ok guys like i told people earlier this is like a major facelift to my boring story. I know its a bit disturbing lol but this idea was the only thing i could think of to give my story a little mystery lets say lol. hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think. dedicated to Michael and Daz. -Sarah As i lay there on the couch holding the remains of my half drank litre of vodka and the bag of cocaine i almost finished off in one go i think back to my time when i was sober and happy. You see four years have passed since i walked out on my two Michaelâ??s. Since then there was never a day that went by that i didnâ??t regret it. Iâ??ll take you back to the start where it all changed. On the night me and Michael had our relaxing, romantic time to ourselves we got a phone call that changed our lives forever. They found our baby boy. He was in good health and was handed in by a woman who found him down an alley. We collected him and from that night on it went downhill for me. I couldnâ??t sleep thinking he was in danger and when i went in to check on him i would just cry, i stopped eating and started taking prescription medication like they were vitamins. This continued for a month until i finally cracked. I couldnâ??t sit by and watch myself ruin my sons and Michaelâ??s lives. One night while Michael and i were sleeping, i slowly got out of bed without Michael waking and crept into my babyâ??s room. I kissed him on the forehead as tears flowed down my cheeks told him i loved him and left a note on the outside or his crib for Michael to see. It read: Michael, I have left you and our son. I know you must hate me right now for doing this again but as you have seen in recent weeks im not capable of being a good mother, not only that but if i stayed around i would of brought too much sadness in your life. This is goodbye for good Mike and i hope that you and little Michael will find happiness in your future. I love you more than life itself and for this is why i am leaving. I will never stop loving you or our little boy and maybe in the future we might cross paths again. I cannot stick around and watch myself ruin both of your lives so goodbye. Love you always and forever, Sarah. I then went back into Michael knowing he is a strong sleeper and kissed him on the lips gently and also telling him i loved him. I walked down stairs and quietly opened the door and closed it slowly. That was the last time i was in my two babyâ??s presence in 4 years. You might ask how hasnâ??t he found me, well i am still in Ireland and Michael is back in LA. He has searched for me and asked me to return to them through the media but at this stage of my drug and alcohol addictionâ??s i would be a fool to go back into my sonâ??s life looking like a junkie. I would skip towns every week so that i would not be found and i cut off all contact with my family and Michaelâ??s. I ruined my own life and i wasnâ??t going to drag anyone down with me. I would buy magazines every week so i could see how my now 4 year old boy is growing up and the man i still love grow in his career. He had a new album coming out called Bad and apparently i was the inspiration for a lot of the songs in that. He looked great too. I think my decision to leave really favoured him as well, but well back to my life. Well whats left of my life. I took out the pills from my pocket, took a few and a mouth full of vodka but as i sat there waiting for the buzz to hit me i blacked out. I woke up in a white room. Tubes down my throat, up my nose and in my arms. My eyes were rolling around my head as i tried to make out my surroundings. This isnâ??t the hotel room i was in a few minutes ago. Doctor: Ms. Gunning? Can you hear me? Me: uhhhh..(trying to focus my eyes) Doctor: (taking the tube out of my mouth) there..Ms. Gunning how are you feeling my name is Dr. Butler. Me: (confused) what happened? Dr. Butler: well Ms. Gunning you seem to have almost taken an overdose and one of the maids from the hotel found you.. Me: oh..(looking down) when can i go home? Dr. Butler: well..im afraid you might be in here for quite some time..can i ask, did you try to harm yourself or was it accidental? Me: how long and no i didnâ??t mean it..(getting angry) Dr. Butler: about a week we have a lot of tests to carry out and you need rest..would you like me to contact any family or friends for you? Me: no!! I mean no thank you im ok.. Dr. Butler: (giving me a strange look) ok (going to walk out) Me: actually may i borrow a phone and todayâ??s magazine please.. Dr. Butler: sure ill have a nurse bring you them.. The doctor walked out and the nurse brought me what i asked for. I looked down in shock at the front cover of the magazine. It was spread across the top â??Sarah Suicide???â? and a picture of me on a stretcher leaving the hotel. I dropped it and put my head into my hands. It wasnâ??t because it made me look bad but i knew Michael would see it and my family. Then i seen the date on it and it has been 2 days since it happened which meant if it was out before that he could be here right now. I opened the magazine and saw pictures of my hotel room scattered with drugs and alcohol and then i read the little article where it said i was rushed to the nearest hospital and gave the full name. I knew at that stage there was no more hiding. So i picked up the phone and dialled the number to the person i knew i could count on. Lets hope they wont be too upset with me to help out... To be continued.....
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