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JOKES
FUNNY COOL
Bar... Monkey A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, and somehow swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for everything." The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves. Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks. "No, what?" replied the guy. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his ass, pulled it out and ate it!" said the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. He still eats everything in sight but, ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first." Bar... Grasshopper A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, ''Hey, we have a drink named after you!'' The grasshopper looks surprised and says, ''You have a drink named Steve?'' Bar... Giraffe A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar and start having a few quiet drinks. As the night goes on, they get pretty drunk. The giraffe finally passes out near the pool tables, and the man decides to go home. As the man is leaving, he's approached by the barman who says, "Hey, you're not gonna leave that lyin' here, are ya?" "Hmph," says the man, "that's not a lion, it's a giraffe." Bar... Duckman A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, "May I help you, sir?" The duck says, "Yeah. Help me get this human out of my butt." Baptism Is Not for Everyone No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize a cat. Bah Ram Ewe Why did the ram fall off the cliff? Because he didn't see the ewe turn Baboon Face Hey, what are you going to do for a face when the baboon wants its ass back? Apple and Worm What did the apple say to the worm? You're boring me. Ants In Yer Pants Q: Why did the ant fall off the toilet bowl? A: He got pissed off. Another Chicken, Another Road Q: Why did the stoner cross the road? A: Who else would follow a chicken? Animals in the Fridge! 1) How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? You open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. 2) How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? You open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. 3) The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend, except one. Which animal does not attend? The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. 4) There is a river you must cross. But it is filled with crocodiles. How do you manage it? You swim across -- all the crocodiles are attending the animal conference.
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